| As a child growing up, in a family where I was the step child. I wasn’t accepted and I new that. I felt it & there wasn’t a day that went by that I knew, I wasn’t wanted there. Knowing that I wasn’t accepted or wanted, I would learn People, their wants & their needs and do my best to know what it was that they needed, & I would do everything I could to try & meet their need just so that I could be accepted by them. There were many things that I had to do as a child that I did not want to do. I did not want to have to cut every neighbors grass, “I couldn’t breath”. I didn’t want to work outside, the way, that I was made to work. I wasn’t a man. But I knew if I wanted to be accepted then I would have to work harder than anyone else around me. I became fearful, realizing I wasn’t able to be what people wanted or needed me to be or do. I wasn’t able to meet their expectation. I took what I felt as a child into adult hood & I have never felt like I have been wanted or accepted by anyone. I always felt like people had to put up with me because I was in their life and there was nothing that could be done about it, I was just there. The loneliness in my life was more than I could bare, I was so limited to what I was able to accomplish in my life. Until one day, I turned to drugs, sex, work & money hoping to fulfill a need that was deep with in me. I soon discovered that I had a sense of courage & boldness, I was fearless, I was able to do things that I could not do before. My life now revolved around Drugs, My Children, Money & Work. The drugs seem to fulfill a emptiness that was with in me. But It wasn’t long that the drugs no longer fulfilled that need with in me. So I found my self doing more & more, now I have found myself, just surviving. There is no Peace in My Life, in My Mind, My life was like a roller coaster. I was driven by the need to be accepted, the need to accomplish. Drugs, no longer gave me the acceptance that It once did. Now I find life without hope and no meaning with no purpose at all. At the age of 39 I had finally hit bottom, after 20 some odd years on drugs. I have exhausted all of my means of survival. I could go on no longer, I was finished. Sin had truly took me to place I thought I would never go. I have done things, I never thought I would do and sin has cost me everything. Sin held me in bondage. On the night of July 6- 1998 I cried out for God to please Save Me & Deliver Me from this life. I knew their was a God & that God was for My Mother & for a few other people but I never believed God would accept or be there for me. So that night as I cried out to God. I said to God, I will give you One Day. And in that day I will give You My All, My Heart, My Soul, My Mind, I am gong to trust you with everything I got inside of me. Please God be there for me. That night God delivered me. Instantly of a 20 year drug addiction & that one Day has turned into Day after Day, after Day. I now have found myself 9 & half years later still serving God. He is Faithful, He is Trust Worthy, He has Keep Me thru every Storm, I have faced. Jesus Christ, fulfills every longing need I have. JESUS LOVES ME THIS I KNOW, FOR THE BIBLE TELL ME SO. |
| Tammy's Testimony |
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